Bill imagines himself as a lady’s man, though many a lady thinks otherwise. They only let him near because they think him funny, what with his loud voice and the way he is so easily distracted by a passing skirt. Fortunately he’s strictly hands off – from the way he gestures while he talks it’s clear that if his inhibitions ever drop he’ll be groping tits and asses right and left. He’ll point out a woman walking down the opposite side of the street and start off a rant that begins with “Would you look at that ugly bitch!” and ends with “I’d tap her in a heartbeat. What an ass!” It’s hard to believe there’s any depth to this man.
Bill recently came to the realization that he’s gay. This was the last straw for his wife of 37 years, who promptly divorced him. In his resulting loneliness Bill has turned to his best friend Rico, a short Puerto Rican character who comes off as quiet and restrained compared to Bill. Here’s a sample of their interactions:
Bill watched the tall blonde cross the street away from him. He leaned over to Rico. “Check out the ass on that chick,” he whispered. At least he thought it was a whisper. Others would call it a normal speaking voice.
“What, the blonde?” asked Rico, sipping his beer.
“Yeah! I caught her crossing the street. She is stacked! And that top of hers lets it all sway in the breeze. Man I could tap that!”
Rico just gazed in contemplation. “I guess so. She’s a little tall for me. I like ’em more my size.”
“I can’t help it that you were the runt of the litter. I’m surprised you don’t want them even bigger, so you could just crawl up inside that cunt and curl up back inside the womb. I’m telling you, that bitch is just my size. Just gaze at those hooters!” Bill’s hands caress imaginary breasts in front of him.
Rico’s face has taken on a look of disgust. “You’re shiitin’ me, man! You just like ’em sloppy. That’s disgusting!”
“Hey! It’s good that breasts like hers have some give to them. If they were hard you’d give yourself a concussion every time you jumped up to try to slip your cock into her cunt!” Clearly pleased with his own statement, Bill sat back and took a pull from his beer.
“No problem, man! I’d just whip out my firehose and cool her heat, not like you with your little prick-dick.”
Bill snorted into his beer. Rico clearly won that insult competition.
Bill’s actually one of the more fully developed members of my cast of characters. (I’ve been using him to test my character charting software, and so developed more of the background information than shows up in this brief sketch.) At this point I have no plans for him other than to populate the background in some scenes, but who knows?
Do you have any ideas for him?
First Draft Fiction 